I would like some advice/feedback from the male bloggers with regards to my dilemma. My son who is or should I say was doing really well at school seems to have decided that being in senior high means that he is done with studying and it is time for him to enjoy himself.
I am and try to be a mother and a friend at the same time, because I found out really early that parenting wasn't an easy thing. I try to discuss most topics with my boys and keep an open mind, and I make sure that I am not judgemental so imagine my surprise when the first thing I see this morning in my inbox is an email from my son's teacher/advisor informing me that my son is being late for classes, his marks are slipping, and that something is not quite right and of course it is her duty to let the parents know. I of course freaked out and called her on the spot even though I know that we are not supposed to do that and call only during lunch time or arrange for a meeting by email, but of course I just couldn't stop myself, so I called her and apologised for disturbing her but of course she told me she couldnt talk as she had class but will call me back when possible. I sat around for the next couple of hours trying to concentrate and complete my work but it sure wasn't easy, but anyway she did finally call me .
Apparently my son who is 17 , is just not paying attention in class anymore, texting and receiving messages on his phone when he is supposed to have it on silent and not use it in class, (but they are allowed to bring it to school with them for safety reasons), and of course giggling when reading the messages and just not giving a hoot about what is going on around him, so of course in cases like this the parents are notified. She thinks all this has to do with a girl he started hanging out with !
After thanking her for letting me know , I sat in my office trying to figure out a way to approach this problem, but I finally gave up . I usually pride myself on finding solutions for most problems but in this case I really dont know what the best approach would be, that is why I would really appreciate receiving feedback. I know this is a phase he has to go through and that it is not a big deal but for him to let it affect his studies right from the beginning this is what is bugging me. I am ready to choke him , but of course I can't, I have been going through different scenarios in my head but they are all just too not realistic, and I feel that I am just too emotionally involved in all this and not thinking straight. Of course saying this doesn't solve the problem , I try to think how I would react if it happened to someone else but I couldn't come up with a solution because I am too worked up. I am thinking that maybe I will think of something in a day or two but I can't imagine myself sitting around and not saying or doing something for a day or two, so if you bloggers out there care to help me out , I sure would appreciate it.
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use the phone to communicate with you, his relatives and friends. Trust me he will make excuses that he needs SMS to ask his friends about home works and etc........ you can always inform him that he can still use voice calls to ask questions regarding his homework. In general parents do not like phone calls after 9:00 PM, young adults are text messaging all day and night long. No SMS means no communications after 9:00 PM, make sure he is visible to you after 9:00 PM. He might be contacting his friends through Instant messengers and my space or facebook.
ReplyDeleteif your boys have TV in their rooms. sell them because you are asking for trouble. One TV in the house is enough, make restrictions how much they can play their video games, preferably only in the week ends.
Do not give your son another chance regarding SMS, just remove it with no hesitation and do not feel guilty in doing it. Your son attitude will get better in the long run, because he can always read in his free time than text messaging, playing video games and watching TV. If yourself watching a lot of TV after work, shut it off, it is better for all of you and maybe all of you will far sociable to each other.
Good luck, by the way female bloggers can also help if they are mothers.
Salam SimSim,
ReplyDeleteOnce again I have to agree with MusicLover. Children are giving far too many freedoms these days and then when they take advantange of them, we (parents) wonder what went wrong or what happened. Taking away priveleges causing one to, hopefully, straighten up to earn their priveleges back.
Good luck.
advisor informing me that my son is being late for classes.
ReplyDeleteThis part I did not understand , is he late to school or late to classes when he is already to classes. If he is late to school, then you have to drop him infront of his school to make sure he is not late, it is extra time for you, it is worth it.
Your boys and you should do some volunteer work during week ends, this way you will keep him out of trouble plus he will appreciate the life and plus you will do things as family. You just have to keep your son busy, such as volunteering and if he can work that will be good.
Go to movies once a month together as a family, you have to set a date each month so your boys in advance. Dine out once every 2 weeks, each boy takes turn in choosing which place he wants to eat, you have to follow the rule. Rent a movie every week end and watch it together.
Do you have a life of your own and the answer is no lol, the truth you should have one or else eventually you get burned out.
Hope things will work out with your boys but make sure you get invloved in their lives I mean all the time, I am not talking being at home with your boys sitting on the couch all day long.
http://volunteer.ca/
I do hope bloggers would take the time to respond to your question, not as Highlander was complaining that the Libyan bloggers are spending more time on Facebook, then being involved in blogging or commenting.
Have a good day.
Hey Music Lover, Thanks for your input! Asking for advice does not mean defeat, I always personally like to know how others would react to the same problem because it gives you a view from the outside and not being emotionally involved sometimes helps. As for having a life, of course I do, we all do, when I said late for class I meant that he does get to school but apparently takes his time to go from one class to the other, and is not attentive in class and his marks are slipping. He is enrolled in extra curricular activities but it seems it is not enough, and I know that being 17 to a boy must mean that he is grown up. I personally over react when it comes to my children but I guess it is normal. Thanks for your input, and I just have one question for you : do you actually love music ?
ReplyDeleteSimsim
Hey Music Lover, Thanks for your input! Asking for advice does not mean defeat,
ReplyDeleteTry not to be defensive all the time.
and I just have one question for you : do you actually love music ?
Yes I do and I mean in it real sense, I spend a lot of time reading about Arts, collect music from different parts of the world is a time consuming interest.
Fiona Apple and Maude Maggart - It's Only A Paper Moon
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SvO31CyFlTI
Correct me if I am wrong, your son is 17 years of age as mentioned? to be honest all the advices you been given so far is related to kids and early teen, it’s a bit late to do this with him, another few months and he will be 18 years of age, and I am not sure about Canada but in UK that’s the legal age, in another words you won’t be able to make him or force him to do anything without his agreement and consent, so my advice is to talk to him directly and listen to him, as it is very important at this age, and believe me he will find what he is doing is not right and he will correct his tract , but try to avoid confrontation as this would give a wrong results.
ReplyDeleteHi Simsim,
ReplyDeleteI must agree with Weldemdina.What ML described is all ok with teen aged boys or young children. I have only one son who has finished school and is working.
I understand what you're going through. The best thing is to accept your son as he is and not compare him with others,especially his brother. Always support him,whatever he may choose.I had no probs with the girls but did with my son when he was in school;so I know where you're coming from dear.Most of all is an open trusted accord between you both and all will turn out for the best InshaAllah.
Salam